Cooking with Mithochondria Eve
by Velvet Dark 007
Summary: Yay! I'm back! Anyway, an OOC-work, Eve gets her own cooking show, and tells us how to make her special type of brownies! Review Please! I'll give you a brownie!


  
Cooking with Mithochondria Eve  
  
Written by Velvet Dark 007  
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A/N- Yes, a Parasite Eve fic and my 'return'. I hope you all like Insane fics!  
  
  
"Hello All you flesh freaks and welcome to 'Cooking with Mithochondria Eve!" Eve said as the camera showed her face to the world. She had her usual 'happy' face, well, if you could call it happy. She wore a chefs hat, an apron that said 'Contents Flammable' and was in her 4th form. She stood at a fancy kitchen, like on the cooking shows.  
  
"HI EVE!!!!!!" The audience, which consisted of Mutated Rats, Bears, Lesser Strangers, The GOLEMS, Blood Sucklers and such, happily yelled out to our host. Eve grinned and leaned on the counter, looking at the camera.  
  
"Now then.... today on MY cooking show, we will learn how to make MY recipie for BROWNIES!!!!!!!!!" The Mithochondria being said, holding up a mutiliated pan of said confection. The audience was half groans and half happy.  
  
"Don't like my brownies?" Eve combusted the groaning part and the other half screamed. She grinned and went on.  
  
"Now then.... let us see what we do first. All right, first you pre-HEAT the OVEN to 365 degrees... but since I use heat, I'll make it easier." Eve sent some flames into the oven, making it catch on fire. She grinned again and pulled out some eggs and ingredients.  
  
"We now use our ingreedents- eggs, chocolate, cooking oil, flour, sugar and the most IMPORTANT ingreedient- fresh, wonderful...." She pulled out a jar that had the most VILE thing in the world-  
  
"... Human Mithochondria cells. That give it that certain flavor!" She winked at the screen and set the special jar to the side. The audience, who WERE mutated creatures, tried to hold in all vomit.   
  
"Well now, Our first step is to throw the eggs," She tossed some eggs in there without cracking them.   
  
"... Chocolate junk," She tossed the mix in there without opening up the celophane wrapper.   
  
"..... Cooking oil," She poured half a gallon in the bowl, much to the chagrin of the audience....  
  
"... and the SPECIAL ingredient... HUMAN MITHOCHONDRIA!!!!!!!" She opened up the jar and slowly poured in the cells, the audience throwing up in the process. Eve grinned as she saw it slowly crawl out and into the mixing bowl. When it was done, she pulled out a HUGE beater.  
  
"We now........" She looked at the audience to say the answer.  
  
"WE NOW........" She was growing impatient. There was no audience. She looked dismayed but continued on. ".... Mix the batter up."  
  
What was going to be a clean mix turned out to have the goo flying EVERYWHERE, the camera, the flaming oven, the door, lights, everywhere. Eve was finished and started to pour the batter in a greased pan.  
  
"We now POUR the mix, which is greased with Mithochondria cells also, it gives the edges flavor!" She grinned and threw it in the flaming oven, and more flames spewed from it.   
  
"We now wait! Commercial break!" The Mithochondria being chimed. The screen faded out and then.....  
  
*COMMERCIAL*  
  
"Hey Aya, how many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Roll Pop?" Pierce asked Aya, who was in the shooting range.  
  
"This much." Aya pulled out her gun and shot the Tootsie Roll pop outta Baldwin's hand. He looked at Aya with a stren look.  
  
"AYA! My office NOW!"  
  
"Well, I guess the world may NEVER know...." Pierce said, shrugging his shoulders.  
  
*END COMMERCIAL*  
  
"We're back!!! And guess what? The brownies are DONE!" Eve floated over to the oven and pulled out the charbroiled pan, with the crawling browines. Some audience members came back, but were disgusted. The cook pulled out one and ate it.  
  
"Mmmmm! HMMMMMMMMM!!!!! DELICIOUS!!!!!!!!!!!!" Eve said, chewing on the brownie. She set the pan down and started to eat like a pig. When she was done, she looked up to the camera.  
  
"And that is ALL for today with 'Cooking with Mithochiondria Eve!' Till next time, when we make GRILLED SCORPION ON THE BARBIQUE!!!" Eve waved goodbye, and was about to leave, when Aya Brea was in the doorway.  
  
"EVE! I should've known you'd take up a job with cooking!" Aya yelled. Eve looked at the camera again and.....  
  
"AAAAAAAA! Till next time! AYA YOU WILL DIE NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
*The End.........?*  
  
A/N- I hope you liked that OOC-bit. I LOVE Parasite Eve 1!!!!!!!  
-VD007


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